1.Self talk – only say good things to yourself. Replace “I’m hopeless / I’ll never do it” with “I can do this / I can do anything I want / I deserve this”. You really can change the way you think, by repetition, and since we ARE our thoughts, we can change ourselves in this way..
2. Take just a small step towards whatever you’d like to do, but are worried about – then you get a feeling of progress, which shows you that you can do it. Break any scary challenge down into steps, and then think “What’s an easy first step?” and then take it.
3. Set goals that you are excited about – these will naturally pull you out of your comfort zone
4. Realise you can change your Thoughts Loop. It’s just a loop. You might be stuck in “I can’t” which leads to either not trying or doing badly, which leads to poor results, which leads back to “I can’t”. You can change that loop to “I can” which leads to trying and doing better, which leads to the proof that YOU CAN.
5. Realise the COSTS of lack of courage, of not even trying. Worse job, worse treatment by boss, reduced success at selling, even relationships not as good as they could be. This stuff is important!
6. It’s OK to fail. Good in fact, because failing is the proof that you are trying for something difficult. The most successful people fail often. And they know that it’s just a step along the way.
7. Become an expert in something, which will build your confidence in all the other areas of your life as well.
8. Make sure your food, sleep and exercise are all OK so you feel good. Feeling good is the first part of confidence. (PS alcohol is a depressant. Use sparingly!) Do some exercise, maybe weights, so you feel good about your appearance. Confidence shouldn’t come from how you look, but 10% of it always will, so get that done if you can.
9. Everyone has a talent, something they are good at – discover yours!
10. Leave your past behind. Your parents and school made you, but that’s all history now. You can choose to bin anything bad. It’s gone, it’s imaginary if you choose it to be.
11. Every weakness is also a strength, including all of yours! Bad memory? Write everything down and become efficient! Impatient = driven! Bad at detail = big thinker!
12. You have RIGHTS. The right to think whatever you like, say how you feel, ask for help, be heard by others in a meeting, etc. If people don’t respect your rights then it’s THEM that have a problem, not you.
13. Don’t depend on the approval of others. Don’t even seek it. Who cares what they think! You’ll never really know anyway. YOU decide if you’re OK or not.
14. Stop comparing yourself with other people, it’s a road to nowhere, especially via Instagram etc. because on there it’s mostly fake, the best moment of the holiday, only the good bits, the new outfit perfectly lit from the right angle etc. Ignore all that. You are you and that’s fine.
15. Say “yet”. I’m not good at doing presentations “yet”. I’m not fluent in Spanish “yet”.
16. Volunteer for everything you can. It may be scary sometimes, but you’ll learn, you’ll have fun, you’ll achieve, and you’ll feel good about yourself.
17. Travel and see the world. You’ll see how lucky and how capable you really are. Start with India!
18. Make the Random Ratchet work in your favour. We all get a mixture of cards dealt to us, good and bad, so it’s about how you use them. Low confidence means you think the good things were luck and the bad things were your fault. Replace this with confident interpretations – the good things were due to your skill, and the bad things were luck.
19. Ditch negative and toxic people from your life. They only drag you down, so don’t see them any more.
20. Consider a coach, who you pay to help you work on your plans. If not, set up a mastermind group of positive supportive friends who meet up and help each other to be the best they can be. (PS I’m not a coach, please don’t ask me to be yours, I’m a writer and video maker!) But I do HAVE a coach, and I am also in TWO mastermind groups – I highly recommend those, they are free, and they involve eating curry as a side benefit!
This article was published in the ABSA Lights Out Magazine – Oct 2022 – Vol 15 No.3
ABSA_lights_out_oct_2022_vol15_no3_web.pdf
